Dear God, can I just marry him?

This week, I met him 3 times, and suddenly became the best week ever. On Sunday, we took a photo after his graduation at summarecon mall serpong, and... it's cute I'm not lying.

RIGHT? :) 

And had lunch at Onokabe AlSut because we're starving (Wait, we? is it you or just me? ok kidding). Then we went to Big Bad Wolf 2017 and I still remember we hand in hand from the parking lot to the building. I didn't take a picture there but they still perfectly in my mind, the atmosphere, the smells of yours (of course, always). I'll tell you guys, this is a secret, I love holding his hand, with my tiny hands and his so-daddy-hands, pureeefect!

Next, we went to Living World to watch Guardian of The Galaxy Vol. 2. Fyi, this is so true, (jadi waktu masih pacaran di Semarang, kalau ngeliat vlog nya tipang arif yang pacaran nya selalu pergi nonton sampe nyokapnya ngomel, lalu terjadi sama cila riandy yang selalu pergi nonton, selalu, entah kenapa). 

On Wednesday, we went to DUFAN, we both have annual pass dufan card, so yeah. Bekasi-Karawaci-Ancol-Karawaci-Bekasi (lo bayangin aja mabok pasti tapi Riandy parah kuat banget ingin nangis rasanya). Arrived around 12 p.m. lalu Riandy langsung hajar kicir-kicir, and me,, hehe taulah duduk aja kan takut :) dan... karena Riandy juga, ini pertama kalinya saya berani naik roller coaster yeayyyy, yang mini tapi, barengan nya sama anak anak SD study tour :))) demi gak bohong haha. Ohiya, ada kejadian menarik, jadi ceritanya yang ingin basah-basahan naik arum jeram tuh Cila, dari 6 orang dalam boat gitu, hanya Cila yang gak basah samsek, samsek, sama sekali. Gak seru, bete, gak hoki pilih tempat duduk padahal mau nya basah. Ohiya, ke dufan ini sebenarnya keinginan Cila juga yang ingin ngersain antri dufan sambil pacaran (karena iri waktu gathering kantor ke dufan sama temen-temen kantor lalu liat banyak yang antri sambil pacaran). 

Dan... yang terbaiknya di hari Sabtu, when he invited me to his cousin's wedding, "My whole family will be there, so come". Well, I had a good and bad stories about past, but the last one is suck. The figure of "ortu pacar" scared me. Tapi Riandy bilang, tenang saja. And boom, like he said, semuanya ada, bahkan nenek nya (saya gak pernah tau rasanya punya kakek nenek, kalau di film, mereka bisa jadi orang terbaiknya kita). Jadi, pas liat nenek Riandy, seneng aja gak tau kenapa.

Kenapa cerita gini? Karena tiba-tiba pingin nangis kalau jika pada akhirnya this relationship doesn't work. And... I dont want that's happen. He is so nice, kind as hell, and I never see this part of me before I met him. I... I actually a little girl who pretend like an older sister but not with him. So yeah I wanna cry. 

When God made you, He was showing off.

I just realised how beautiful God made you. This is not something I proud of, but like I am happy and feel so lucky having that guy besides me while I can not do anything. We shared many moments, the great ones and the shitty ones. I wanna grow together as someone who watch each of us grow. Be my very best friend forever till we can not handle this stomachache because the laughter we made. I remember every detail of you said I'm a child, I look like a kid. But a kid is always spread the love and fun things when people like you need someone like this. And he is happy. I'm happier to make you happy. I can be this cheerful which I can not imagine before. Yeah for this time I agree with you, remember-- only for this time, I look like a kid when you around me AND this kid fits with someone who older than her, who wiser. Keep incredibly amazing Riandy!

Knowing you is a gift, while you said you are very lucky to meet me, more than that I'm lucky having you as my part time lover and full time friend. People might be questioning "isn't this too fast?" I'll answer with the chins up "not for to be happy".

2010 2015 well, we made it!

"fix ya 20 10 2015 21.10?" He said.

..

Still staring here about 10 minutes and don't know what to write first. All is amazing. You are cute enough to make this day wonderful. I don't need you to see this I just want to describe how happy to be me! For all the grateful that God has given me this way, i'm so thank to God. My heart was beating fast and i made a move because of you. You are not so kind and how do i say cuek? Yap you are far from the predictable guy. But as you see, I just love you. You are just being you not someone else. I didn't even know you tried to get my attention, i didn't feel anything, sorry :p But till one fine night, Oct 18th in so early morning, you said the unpredictable words that i never imagine the words will come out from your mouth. From that time I realized all the things we did, I noticed myself throw-back-thing a lot. Yeah, I found someone that make me fall in love. I don't know why. We just did, right? You don't need any reason to fall in love. But we just did. 

Last, I hope the best for everything happens tomorrow. See you R! 

I am all alone

The tittle is not a lyric of a song. I guess I'm just being afraid of what people would think. You know, judgment. I guess it's really easy to say like, "I don't care what anyone else thinks." but, everyone does. Deep down. I find myself so furious at all these people that I'm in contact with. I mean I just wanna be able to do anything I want, it makes me feel alive. Whatever that means. I really never had a best friend. I called them my close friend that I love. I would do anything for them. I don't know they will do the same thing like I did. Till I found you. I really like talking with you. I don’t usually even try to vocalize my thoughts or feelings or anything. I don’t know, it never sounds right. Words are stupid. But with you, it's like I have everything. I'm alone in this city. My parents are far away from here. It takes miles to see them and tells how's everything's going. So you, you are the closest person that taking care of me. I'm glad to have you here, protects me. I need a person like you. I don't have to vocalize my thoughts. Just seeing you make me feel alive. That's why I'm so protective with mine. But I know it's running bad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to make you feel uncomfortable with me. My attitude broke this chemistry that we built. I haven't learned from past

May you become the best of everything and happy forever.

To be mature

To enjoy every moments

To be grateful

To understand adulthood

To love more

To be happy

To live

(and To life).

I love you

Satria

So many questions I got, bisa kenal sama dia gimana caranya? Kalian deket dari kapan? Udah berapa lama? Kenapa bisa suka dan akhirnya jadian?

No need any longer to answer (but need a couple times to realize that I love him, hehe). My baby is so careeee, gak cuma ke gw, tapi ke semua ‘kayanya’. Mobilitas tinggi. Sangat sangat bertanggung jawab dan amanah. Jangan ketawa lu :) terakhir, paling baik diantara yang paling baik (subjektif/objektif?) udah gitu sabar banget dari awal kita kenal yang tadinya gw nengok cuma sekilas-kilas aja sampe sekarang gak bisa berpaling even 5 minutes!! Hell! Dia itu orang paling lucu dan paling malu-maluin yang pernah gw kenal, serta panikan sedunia. Tapi gak nurunin charisma nya kalo lagi panik, huehehe. Kalo dia udah ngomong “HEH” gak nahan banget kakak, pake idgham soalnya dan gw paling gak kuat untuk gak ngikutin balik ngomong “HEH”. Kapan-kapan gw rekam.

Ohiya, panggilan favorite buat doi dari gw kalo abis makan itu Kebulsky, kadang pake embel-embel My sexiest kebulsky ever (biar oenjoe; read:unyu). Gak cuma Bonnie yang punya kepanjangan, berotot dan berani, tapi Kebulsky juga, kebo dan gembul, haha. Sumpah deh :( walaupun makan nya banyak, tapi perutnya datar, tapi tetep aja gembul, HEH! Wkwk.

Dulu, sebelum jadian, doi suka mandangin gw dari jauh (ya kan~) tapi sekarang mah boro-boro, selalu nanyain berulang-ulang di-tiap-sms, “kamu lagi di mana?” mbok ya aku gak ke mana2, Cinta :(. Dan dia selalu kzl kalo gw gak cek hp untuk menerima dari pernyataan dia yang bilang, “gak usah ke siniii, aku aja yang samper kamu.” But, ive said, im on my way Bebz -_- How could I check my phone when im on my way?? Dan doi pernah jawab kzl, “kenapa sih kamu selalu aja gini, gak cek hp nya dulu, langsung pergi.” Hihi kalo udah manyun gitu pingin dicubit aja mulski nyaw.

Dia orang paling beda coy dan terima kasih sudah buat saya jatuh cinta :) Happy 18, Maluve. I love you.

Iron & Wine; Flightless Bird, American Mouth.

So what then?

I'm a typical an easily-cry person. I don't know why but I can just crying by listening a song that's so touchy. I can cry by watching a proposal-video or movie or video. So Youtube deserves my thankies, so I thanks for it. Well, did you guys know Iron & Wine? If you watched Twilight you might know it. I cry for Flightless Bird, American Mouth. There, he  stares into your eyes and for a moment you feel you couldn't get lost in the gateway of their stares. Everything around you seems still and yet you feel yourself gliding from the energy released from this potent chemical called Love. He smiles, smiles in a way that reminds you of the first time you felt in love. That awkward teenage love where you're not sure how to express yourself, but smiling is the only way that you can verbalize the words "I am here with you, that nothing and no one can take me from this moment.. because I love you." no tag :p but I wish he read this. I miss you, Star Lord.

SMSP

He drove, seeing the road, while I lay beside him with my head in his laps or arms. I sent him an email a couple days ago. And I thought I should write him in here. I’m not in business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true thing, I’m in love with him. The guy from Semarang who protect me and make me feel loved. He was my friend and now he is walking next to me wherever I go. Awesome right? I like being flirty at him because he will ask me to stop flirting and then he will say “You’re beautiful. I’m glad to see you.” Me? I like being liked. I meant who’s not? I’m type of a cheerful person and he’s kind of funny in his way. So, we match. You know, I can’t stop thinking of you, heart-stoler. Even if I can, I don’t want for right now. See you S!

I hope God would bless me with an even bigger heart, so I could love you even more.

Another book by Dahlian, I read in less than 4 hours, the amazing 364 pages of their story, Tania and Rezza.  It’s not like an usual romance-fiction-book for me, I’ve learned many things. And, the-after-effect is… I want my husband is a doctor. *winks*. I wanna marry 31 years old man, while I’m 23. Rezza told me, (hem… Tania for sure, not me) “See, I can making love with you without love, I can kiss you without you don’t know I love you or not. I’m a man, Tania. I knew what inside their brain. He did it, not because he loves you, but desires of yours.” Well yeah, I can’t say Tania is a “nice” person and even Rezza. But as a girl, she did with love. Not because she wants to, but, her heart said so. Opposite with her boyfriend, Hendrik, is just playing with her. The book itself said the truly life in here. AND YOU KNOW WHAT, I love how Rezza treats Tania (I wanna be treated like that) when Tania, how do I say ngambek? “Oohh, soo!??” // “I mad about you, sorry” Rezza replied and rubs his girlfriend’s cheek // “you’re so annoying” // “Well thanks, I love you too.” // I can’t stop smiling, ladies and gentlemen!!!! And and when Tania is having birthday, "Happy birthday My Precious" That's sweet!!!! "On our own, each of us is imperfect. but together, we complete each other." I falling in love with the characters. So much. End--

HIMYM and mine.

i wish i had that kind of friendship. i wish i got married with my bestfriend. and someday, i wish someone could say 
"you will never see how lovely you truly are. that's why i'm here. i will tell you the beauty that i see" 
:-)

Blue.

#curhatsession
we never understand why people do something annoying when they have a problem?
why people never make it clear first then go, but they go first and...forget?
we don't like that type of person..so much.
feeling,, not a toy like people can play with.
we both are mature. right?
we know we disturb their day, their time. we can be the person they don't want to meet.
and every second of our life *lebay,, we try to understand.
until that "one day" is coming.
we only ask them once, please understand us like we do.
we don't make it bigger whether they not text us, they busy, even they leave.
but, let us now that "one day" is.

What I Know Right Now

"selamat sore nona :)"

--i'm on the last week before 4th term is coming. i always hope for the best because i decided my future, not else. well, i wanna introduce you to the man who likes greet me with that funny words. maybe it will be awkward someday. i write about you, how's your reaction? i'm glad to be the girl with whom you can share. you are so loving and caring, but sometimes you can be the most annoying person alive. #ticklesyou. actually, day by day we've been through, is full of awareness. unfortunately, we met and tried to get each other. i mean, i almost know you, not really far, but i know better for this time. so, what we got after this? i wanna make it long. how about you? well, we know that tomorrow is a mystery for us, we both blaming everything. if something bad happens to us one day, i wont forget to read this again. i hope you will do the same thing. #cheers *a glass of jack daniel's. haha kidding. at least, how are you? what's your plan today?

Win my heart

You know, i had an amazing experience for more than 2 weeks, and already miss every single part of it. i miss my dorm, and my room exactly in upstairs. i miss kak isma, kak muhdi, kak bayu, kak milzam, faris, rodi, ghozi, kak diana, dewi, mitha, cyntia, putri, cita, asti, ciwaw, mba dj, mba rahma, mba diah, and rini, oh ya i forgot the Kudus's one. (well, i don't even know they really are, that's why i don't mention it). it's funny anyway to remember the way we stick together. and... i love them. we went slept late bcs the unimportant chit chat, lol. and the slowest person who took a bath. if we have a class at 7, we will come at 7.10 or 15. we.... how do i say "jajan"? we had some food before and after class. so consumptive. forgive me, and forgive us. only 2 weeks and we already know him/her. not at all, but we can get what she/he looks like. besides that, i get a lot of knowledge. i know how to speak english well. i'm more confident than i used to be. oh really? haha. Hei scroll down and read more, i'll show you our picts. #wink

For a lil update..

it's been a long time, Blog. yeah i know you missed me :) 
sorry to left you there , i know ur craving for attention hehe. Actually Blog, i have nothing to share, awesomeness and awfulness had just passed , and i will not talk about “people” here.

Okay,

I wanted to dwell in this situation, I feel .. really good, i have no worries , i have no trouble i have no fears.. i feel--save. with my best around me, my surroundings , including my family , my college mates, what a pleasure to have all of you here , with me.

so much i have to learn in life

Nobody's perfect.

but a girl can dream, right?

Everyday , the picture of me--being a successful woman, keeps running in my mind, it wont let go , neither decreases. I hope that's true, that me in that dream is a real me where i'll found next 7 years maybe. 
I am dreaming and wanting to go to Las Vegas . Too high for me? bet not. 

again, a girl can dream

yea i can dream being with someone i love like forever, he'll be there whenever you need him, and even when u dont have time to offer something , he'll love you all the way , he do it all for you.
Can i just dream about that?

i know you are there
and i know ur waiting

and so do i

chill out

moods on

enjoying every air we breathe in

laughters

and when my eyes met yours

Texty text

Can I tell you something?

Well, yesterday, I tried to be nice and threw my ego but you didn't respect me at all. Is something going wrong so far? I should've known that's not a good idea to message you. I... just want us to be friend. Fine friendship. This is strange. Why I keep talking. But yeah, sorry, haha, I don't know what's wrong with me. It will be an embrace message ever. Thanks anyways, Stranger.

Jadi.... setelah message itu terkirim, sempat ada rasa penyesalan, yap, texty text, ketika pesan itu hendak terbawa angin, pergi, entah bagaimana, tapi aku mencoba meraih, berharap pesan itu tidak pernah terkirim. Karena sudah terlanjur, terbesit rasa ingin ceburin handphone ke aquarium, bener haha ini nyata. Tapi karena ini aneh, jadi cuma menonaktifkan nya saja. Dan terlelap tidur. Sebelum nya saya yakin, "ah bego banget sih! Cit! Yakin deh! Bbm lu cuma di read! atau yang lebih parah, bakalan cuma deliv selamanya! selamanya! udah! ganti hp aja! jangan aktifin BB lagi! Never! Ever!"

Dan betapa terkejutnya saya mendapat balasan dari anda. Cukup baik, cukup manis, cukup positive. Haha. Entahlah. Setidaknya anda membalas. Tapi, saya tidak cukup mengerti, apa maksud dari, "wish you were here. it would change everything."

That words, so mean. Running semester 3, dan semua imajinatif tentang mimpi, harapan, semasa SMA telah lenyap. How lucky I am, cuma mengalami masa sulit itu sewaktu di semester 1. Bulan-bulan pertama emang selalu berat. Tapi aku mampu.

:-)

Ada yang masih inget dengan apa yang saya tuliskan di kaos itu? That's so me. Tapi ada yang kamu belum tau. Sebelum ini, saya telah berjalan jauh. Maaf. Tapi, itu yang terjadi. Pada akhirnya, Love wins.

i know these all will be stories someday

"No matter how rich, or famous, or successful I become, when it comes to you, I'm always going to be that moon-eyed girl who freaked you out at a first glee rehearsal. You are the first boy who made me feel loved, and sexy, and visible. You are my first love. And I want more than anything for you to be my last."

i really don't know what to say... i've watched that scene a few months ago, and now i re-watch it in youtube. yap. i couldn't handle my tears.

i know these all will be stories someday, like i told you, and i told him, and our pictures will become old photographs and we'll become somebody's mom or dad. but when i was with you, those moments were not stories. that was happening. i was there. i could see it. that moment that you know you are not a sad story. you are alive. and you stand up and see the lights on buildings and everything that makes you wonder. but right now, i'm listening to that song on that drive with the people i love most in the world. and that moment i swear, we were young, didn't know many things.

"i'm getting surgery in my head, in 2 days"

10 things I would love to do with you today

Dear you, how's life? going well so far?
wondering how do you look like right now 
anything change? besides your hair? :p
well, i'm pretty good nowdays
i don't know why, maybe just because i came home last thursday
haha my family is good, thanks for asking
um.. i kinda miss your mother by the way :p how is she?

okok to make it short, i want to tell you 10 things i would love to do with you today

According to you

Dear You,

This is all going to be sad so I'm going to need you to be strong.

Thank you for reading everything I've written for the past few months. Remember when we first found each other?
It was so long ago, it all seems like it happened to different people or like it was something from a TV show.

All I can remember are scenes.

Thank you for making me feel less alone. Thank you for making each other feel less alone.

This is not the end. This is something far more exciting than that. It is going into the realm of the unknown, to see what can be known.

And then seeing if we can find our way back.

I'm sorry if this hurts.

Remember, you are a part of a beautiful story that did not start when you were born.

I'm not so good with words but I hope you know that these words are for you.

12 april 2013, 10.13 pm

When you were my lovely best friend over the world.
I miss you. (sorry)
I miss sitting next to you.
Remember when we had a lot of movie to be shared? Remember when we watched movie together and I couldn’t stop starring at you. 
Besides you, the world means everything.
Remember when I gave you a smoothy rub to your nose.
I just love doing that thing.
Every movies that we watched, every songs that I heard when I was with you, every books that we used to read together, all, reminds me of you.
I wanna lays in your arms. To feel you
I wanna see you do debate with your ego. I want you to get mad with me.
I want you to scream over the phone. I want you to leave and forget me.
I want you to have a better best friend than me.
Even if you will really go, I hope you read this,
Hi…. I barely love you again.
But, remember, no need to worry ;) I want you to go ahead.